After a long break, I’ve received another communication from the helixontakers, copied below. (See here and here for background.)

It appears that I missed the most obvious reason for Trump’s victory: Aliens.


Dear Mudge,

We never responded to your post warning us about faux human behavior, but it was appreciated. Our long silence is in part explained by some disorder among ourselves, which might be of interest to you, explained below.

As time goes on, and more humans become aware of our existence on this planet, some helots are seriously concerned about “human” nature, in that new arrivals are not always welcome. There’s the occasional genocide and expulsion in your history, that makes some of us think tactically about how best to deflect attention from us.

Two of your recent posts were about the election of Trump, and how to explain it. There’s a factor that you failed to account for. Some helots (a small but significant faction) voted for Trump, attracted to his fearmongering about Mexicans and Muslims. They believe that the more humans are afraid of each other, the less they will think of us. It’s a “divide and conquer” idea that you must understand has some attraction.

What these misguided helots don’t recognize is that fear of anything contributes to a culture of fear that can easily be directed at another perceived threat.

.I’ll see if I can elucidate some other influences helots have had on your culture in recent years, just to catch up.

(1) You’re old enough to remember a time when the dignity of employees and customers was not quite as often insulted as it is now. I regret to say that helots had a part in this progression.  You must have had the experience of saying something to a child and having the child repeat it in the wrong context, or with exaggerated, distorted meaning. A childlike misunderstanding of the fine points is an extremely common thing with anyone new to the culture in which they are operating. As helots get jobs in management and marketing, they tend to exaggerate the cultures already existing in those fields, turning them into parodies of themselves.

This is why, for instance, about 40 years ago, “Would you like some fries with that?” came about. Some marketer decided that if they steal a few seconds from the life of every customer, they might increase sales by .0001%, and did so. This was in fact so successful that it has expanded to ordering each employee to recite:  “Would you like to try our SuperHypercheesySouthwest-GourmetDeluxeSupreme today?” at the beginning of each conversation. No one told the helots that people don’t want to hear this. Dignity is not a concept that gets into the mass media much, so it’s hard for helots to grasp.

The same is true with the multiple questions asked at a cash register. You might go to a store only once in your life, but they’ll still try to get you into a “rewards club” or some such, to get your personal data so they can spam you. Yup, helots.

(2) Then there’s the practice of concealing the prices of products, or making extra trouble to find them out.  It has a long history, but has become more common as helots move into decision-making positions.

Many industries have long envied the ability of pretentious restaurants to get away with having the server recite, at some length, “today’s specials” with no writing to refer to, and no prices unless asked for, taking up more time. It’s a marketing situation in which one perhaps can get away with shaming the customer away from looking “cheap”.

This practice has moved into realms where it is NOT normal to try to shame the customers, but simply to confuse them into ordering without thinking at all.  You might have seen online shopping sites where the price is not displayed until the “add to cart” button is clicked, or even until the final tally is shown.  Yes. Helots.

(3) Then there’s the fascination with technology in unsuitable situations: preferring trivial texting to talking to the person in front of you, for instance.  Helots have much better ways to communicate among ourselves, without using sound or text. What’s more, our ability to move through several dimensions to escape inconveniences eliminates most of the perception of “danger” or “emergency” that earthlings have. We are only beginning to learn the priorities among different information, and which medium is most suitable to communicate it, in which situation.

We’re also slowly learning about the exceptions to how things work. For instance, on tv, everyone has a perfectly working cell phone when the story requires it. This leads us to assume that earthlings all have these Starfleet communicators with them at all times, and there’s no need to communicate plans ahead, since everyone can quickly be informed perfectly about changes. We move easily through many dimensions, remember. Looking at a map and planning out transportation time is a foreign thing to us.

(4) You must have noticed, in recent years, a habit many people have in recounting a story, of alternating every significant sentence with an “and I’m like…” sentence, describing one’s mood or unspoken thoughts at the time. It’s usually nonsense in a human context, telling no significant information about what happened, but it descends from a habit helots have that has some importance in our own culture.

Helots are constantly navigating through seven or eight dimensions. It’s not something I can explain to you very well, but think of it as analogous to changing color or frequency constantly. Our orientation and placement in those dimensions when something happened is an important part of how it happened. Such information is always interspersed with other information when recounting a story.

This is not to say that every person with that “and I’m ike…” habit is a helot. “Monkey see, monkey do.”

(5) It might shock you how many people think it’s normal to have information like:

— their jobs

— who their friends are

— where their favorite places to amuse themselves or shop are

— their medical situations

— what they look like

— their tastes in everything, and major purchases they’ve made

— where they are from one day to the next, including when they plan to leave their homes unattended

…available to strangers all over the world at the click of a mouse.

This is a helot thing. Our means of communication, if I were to describe them, would probably sound like “mind reading” to you. We have no privacy to speak of, and therefore can’t value it.

The vulnerability to hackers, stalkers, scammers, and marketers that this oversharing makes for earthlings requires that those hackers, stalkers, scammers, and marketers have a certain amount of privacy. Such “people” could not operate in helot culture. We’ve been slow to catch on to the dangers on earth.

Again, not everyone who overshares on the web is a helot.  “Monkey see, monkey do”, again.

(6) You must have noticed, in recent decades, an increase in the frequency of waiting in line while someone of dubious judgment uses a credit card for a very small purchase, while everyone waits behind them for it to be approved or not, another card to be tried, etc. Yes, this is another helot thing.

As you might imagine, transactions among ourselves take a very different form, and three-dimensional money takes us a while to get used to. The whole credit/debit thing is fascinating to us, and newcomers are constantly testing out the system, the way a child might break something just to see how it breaks, or push all the buttons on an elevator just to see them light up.

(7) Then there’s music. I’ve already mentioned that we don’t use sound for communication, and we don’t spend our whole lives in an atmosphere, or any medium for sound. The thought of using it for an art form is very foreign to us. All the subtleties of volume, timbre, and such are lost on us.

If you go into a bar, restaurant, party, or whatever, and wonder “How could anyone ever think that that volume of music is in any way desirable?”, there’s probably a helot involved. Appropriate use of music is something that takes us a while to learn.

I hope this contributes to better understanding between our cultures.


16th Overseer
Helixontaker Placement Authority


Well, this does clear up a few more things for me, and I’ll try to give Wheelmeltgently a little more to work with in enlightening the helots they place on Earth.


Dear Helots,

Despite the illustration I put at the top, I have no clue whether Putin is one of you, and that whole question of Russian influence in our recent election is one that I’ll leave for another post.

But I hope that those among you who really believed they could help themselves by getting Trump elected have learned better by now.

Wheelmeltgently mentions tv as if it’s something helots study in preparation for taking human form.  I said in my earlier post that movies, tv, and especially “reality” tv, are outstandingly bad guides for what is actual human behavior. Now you see what it means to have a “reality” tv star as a political leader. Pretty sad, isn’t it?

I’ll say it again: Fictional writing, including Movies and tv, give an extremely simple,
contrived portrayal of human behavior. People usually look like fools in such portrayals. Being human is no picnic. It’s complicated.

Rather than taking human form and relying on the media as a guide for behavior (a bad idea even for real humans), you might be better served to assume an inanimate form first, as I understand you can, and observe human behavior firsthand as, say, a household appliance (There are some really cool ones you could be), before trying to act as a human.

Just one thing about your choice of household object:

After the inanimate object, you might then move up to a non-human life form. There are some awesome shapes you could take

without the embarrassment of becoming an inept human. Much more to observe there.

Then, maybe, you might want to try humanity, though recent events would make me have reservations about that even so.


Maybe my readers (both of them) could have some more advice for helots. Don’t be afraid to comment.

This entry was posted in communication, politics, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Ruth Shapin says:

    Sometimes I feel that we are being ruled by wealthy aliens.

  2. Tian says:

    On the question of Russian influence in the election, I like to point out that clearly California’s Russian River had nothing to do with it.

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